Treebeard found this false black widow (Steatoda grossa) hanging out inside the bluebird box in the front yard. I guess if you really didn't like spiders or just couldn't stand to look at them closely, you might mistake this for a black widow. It's a pretty spider, sort of dark purpley-brown instead of black, though. Also, its abdomen is not as round (globose) as a true widow.
According to Spiders of the Eastern United States: A Photographic Guide, it "...is a long-lived species, attaining an age of six years."